Because I Love Chuck Norris
12.09.05Nothing is greater on a weekend night then to throw back some brewskies while watching some good ol’ classic Invasion USA, Delta Force, or even Sidekicks. Chuck is definetly the man.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie “Back to the Future” they used Chuck Norris’ Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson’s disease.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s crap.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Hehe, that’s awesome. That one about 1,242 objects in the average room he can use to kill you is prolly about right on.
I’m so envious. 
# December 9th, 2005 at 10:39 pmChuck is the man. Good Christian. But for reals… he can’t act a lick. Walker Texas Ranger is agonizing to watch. Although Delta Force was one of my favorite movies as a young lad.
# December 9th, 2005 at 10:53 pmhave you guys seen the one where he jump kicks the person through the windshield?
# December 9th, 2005 at 10:57 pmChuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the world, that’s why we have a hole in the O-zone layer.
There is no such thing as paralyzed and unparalyzed people, just people who have met Chuck Norris and people who haven’t.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from death.
# December 10th, 2005 at 9:50 amme wrote:
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the world, that’s why we have a hole in the O-zone layer.
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Yea, that’s prolly also why the earth has a slightly eliptical orbit instead of a nice round one.
# December 10th, 2005 at 3:39 pmDelta Force is one of my all time favorites. I love the rocket launcher bikes.
# December 11th, 2005 at 9:41 amDelta Force Trivia:
The movie was originally to be produced with the cooperation of Delta Force’s real-life founder and original commanding officer, Col. Charles Beckwith. The producers wanted to tell the story of Operation Eagle Claw, the failed attempt to rescue the American hostages from Iran in 1979, but they wanted to change the story so that Delta Force completed their mission successfully. Colonel Beckwith left the project in disgust.
# December 11th, 2005 at 10:00 amI think Delta Force is equal parts action and comedy, mainly because as someone said, Norris can’t act, and because random things happen.
# December 11th, 2005 at 12:53 pmI was watchin’ Delta Force a year or two ago and one particular scene ran chills down my spine. Do you remember the part where the terrorist is talking to the hostage and he says that he will someday blow up the White House? The hostage says something like, “there’s no way youe will get close to the White House.” I can’t remember what the terrorist says after but I just kept thinking how erie it was (made me think of 9/11).
# December 11th, 2005 at 1:23 pm“When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.”
# December 11th, 2005 at 3:19 pmReading your post made me realize that my high school can’t be named after the late great liberal senator from Nebraska, George Norris, but must be named after the alive and roundhouse kickin renaissance man we all adore in Chuck Norris. Thank you for such a beautiful post.
# December 11th, 2005 at 9:31 pmChuck Norris wanted to prove he could beat cancer. So he smoked 15 packs of cigarettes a day for 2 years and got 7 types of cancer. He then Flexed for 30 min. ans squeezed the cancer out of him. Take that lance armstrong
# December 14th, 2005 at 6:08 pmU guys know nothing of the limitless-ness-ful-ness of chucks abilitys. two years before bruce lee died he admited in an interview for a movie he was producing that chuck norris was the only fighter to ever beat him in the ring. (True story) ……I’m guessing he hovered his leftleg one millimeter above the ground while elavating his right leg to about 5 feet 9 inches in the air while rotating a full 360 degrees then smashing bruce lees face in going so fast that he actually caught on fire, he probably didn’t care though.
Delta Force, Lone Wolf, Sidekicks, kicking bruce lees ass hardcore….all these things are pussy compared to his performance in the 1986 movie “U.S. INVASION”. In the opening and most shockinly realistic movie moment of all time, around 150 dudes with slicked back greasy hair which I guess are Europeans or somethin storm like one beach by Miami in sweet D-day style boats and attack civiallians and anonymos clubers alike. America does not have an army, or navy, or airforce,….or police force……or really anything. The only thing that stands in there way is……u guessed it……A red headed, double Uzi welding, alligator wrestling, explosion dodging, badass son of a bitch. CHUCK NORRIS. Definilty a sweet rental.:shock:
# December 18th, 2005 at 4:01 pmDude… RW… don’t make me come to your house and round house kick you in the face for misnaming a Chuck Norris movie. We all know that it’s called “Invasion USA”.
If you can’t see Chuck at this moment, RW… you’re probably about to die for offending him.
# December 18th, 2005 at 4:05 pmI AM gunna hover my leftleg one millimeter above the ground while elavating my right leg to about 5 feet 9 inches in the air while rotating a full 360 degrees then smashing RW face in and my leg will catch fire as I laugh while you bleed out. BWahahaha
# December 18th, 2005 at 5:40 pmHey:shock:……Hey u guys…………I’m in my closet right now with my lab top…………..chuck is in the house….I pissed my self when he round house kicked my truck over a cliff and I’m starting to get a slight rash. I have enough string cheese and wierd lolly pops to last me for months if need be. Pray for me guys……pray hard:cry:
# December 19th, 2005 at 4:13 pm