Pass The Ammo

JJ’s son in Kindergarten recently earned himself his first slingshot. Sitting on the couch at JJ’s house, I over heard this conversation.

JJ - If you kill anything with that slingshot, you’re going to have to eat it.

Jacob *with concerned look* - Dad… if I accidentally kill you with my slingshot, will I have to eat you?

Tony: You ate a squirrel and now you’re modding content management systems. What is this world coming to?
Chad: i consider myself very adaptable… gotta adapt to survive..
Chad: when skynet and the terminators take over, you’d better learn to eat squirrels too.

So it came time to pay the hosting bill for my brothers website. Now, I’ve been with these guys for a few years on a couple sites, and they really are the biggest bunch of foreign douche bags you could get to host a site. I’ve even had to call visa to have them refund cards that were billed without warning or reason. Anyways, I love to hate them, and as they do not offer a telephone number anywhere on their site, the most you can do is post in a support forum, or chat live.

So I use every live chat I get with these clowns, to be the biggest douche bag, most condescending, racist bastard that I can. And I don’t even feel guilty for it. It’s awesome.

Here’s what went down today.

Bob: Welcome to EHostPros.com 24/7 Live Support
Bob: How can i help you ?
Chad: hey, can you resend the billing login info to the account holder for passthebrass.com? can’t find it, and the site just got suspended
Bob: please provide the billing contact email id
Chad: cant you just send it to the account holder? i have several email accounts
Chad: i dont know which one i used
Bob: please provide last 4 digits of your cc
Bob: and also your billing address
Chad: billing address?
Chad: dude
Chad: just send the billing login info, to whoever owns the domain
Chad: i know that sounds really complicated, but i believe in you
Bob: without confirmation we can’t send you the login info
Chad: i dont want it
Chad: i want you to send it to the account owner
Chad: do you speak american?
Bob: we have already sent the invoice to account holder
Bob: on 2007/10/16
Chad: does that invoice include the billing login???
Chad: obviously not, or he would have paid it
Bob: no
Chad: once again, i hate to confound your intelligence, but please send the billing login to the same guy you sent the invoice to.
Chad: i know you can do it.
Bob: ok
Bob: we will send
Chad: really?
Chad: do you pinky promise?
Bob: and also we have sent so many notices about these invoice
Chad: im sure you did.
Bob: but the owner has not responding
Chad: but without the login, its kind of a tuffy to pay that sh–
Chad: surprised you didnt know that.
Bob: if he want login info he has to contact us
Chad: well… thanks for sending that out. see? it wasn’t that hard after all!
Chad: and what if this is him?
Bob: we will send
Chad: and I just didnt feel like proving credit cards, billing addresses and a whole bunch of other horse sh–…
Chad: its all just so much more easy and magical, when you can just send it as you did.
Chad: i just want you to know that im very proud of you, and that im rooting for you to get a raise.
Chad: whats the currency in douchbagistan, anyways?
Chad: and if Bob is your first name, what is your middle and last? abdul hameed jubal mohammad ackheem?
Bob: you can clear your invoice dues through c or paypal
Chad: you aren’t answering my very important support questions.
Bob: we have already sent the invoice to the owner of this account
Chad: but you never promised that you sent the login and password too
Chad: can you promise me that you did?
Chad: Can you swear on the Koran?
Chad: or mohammed perhaps?
Chad: i just need a verbal promise is all..
Chad: it doesn’t need to be fancy
Bob: please provide any of the confirmation details of the owner
Chad: so… you’re telling me you did not send the billing login? how is he ever going to send you paypal pesos if he can’t login?
Bob: we have already sent so many notices about these invoice
Chad: Bob… I thought we covered all this ground, and now we’re taking steps back…. okay, lets start from square one… The account owner, who happens to be a very good friend of mine, asked me… to ask Bob at ehost, if Bob could please send the billing login. And now Bob is saying he only sends invoices. but… but… my friend already has tons of invoices… And how does he pay an invoice if he cant login???
Chad: answer me that, bob ol’ buddy.
Bob: as per your request we will send the billing information to the owner of this account email id which is in our records
Chad: oh snap
Chad: well… bless your little heart.
Bob: Thank you
Bob: Do you have any other questions ?
Chad: i’ll be sure to give my buddy a jingle and let him know you sent that on its way. i know that he’s chomping at the bit to send you his money. with such quality service that you guys provide… unbeatable.
Chad: the best.
Chad: on the whole interweb.
Chad: no, the whole universe! wait… GALAXY!!!!!
Bob: Thank you
Bob: ok
Chad: you are welcome friend.
Chad: good nite

So I just wanted to share this conversation with you, and at the same time encourage you to stick with folks like DreamHost for your website hosting needs.

Dad: *picks up Smith & Wesson Sigma 40. Cal pistol sitting on my desk* Is this gun loaded?

Chad: Yea, thats the ONLY way to have a gun.

Dad: Oh yea.

Erik says: dude

Erik says: the most classical thing happened

Erik says: i was walking to my dorm, and i saw the most beautiful girl, so kept starring while i was walkiing, and then….. i tripped over a bump. luckily i didn’t fall, but she saw me stumble. it was awesome.

Chad says: Hmm… Sounds like a very tactical maneuver.

American Soldier says: so there is this unit that is trying to pick me up to go as a Sniper for them. kind of exciting. the special operations community is small, and so there isn’t a big amount of good snipers.

Chad says: when you goin?

American Soldier says: leaving as early as beginning of [confidential]

Chad says: so uhhhh… can i come?

American Soldier says: sure, you can hide in my ruck sack

Chad says: i’ll just grab my .30-.30 and my cowboy hat, and be along directly

Krunk says:
liberals now know more than ever that they have to reexamine their entire ideology

Chad says:
they are to bull headed to do that.

Chad says:
they will dig themselves into a ditch, where they will rot and die and if they don’t rot and die, they will continue to drag us into a more socialist, immoral, european society. the few workers bearing the load of the majority on welfare, we will collapse from the inside in the same manner that rome did.