Pass The Ammo

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

hattip: Scott

Did you hear? The almighty google now offers free innernets to everyone!

I got this in my email. Figger’d I’d share. I dunno who the author is.

The Democrats new promise “A New Direction For America - Vote Democratic”

The stock market is at a new all-time high and America’s 401 K’s are back. A new direction from there means, what?

Unemployment is at 25 year lows. A new direction from there means, what?

Taxes are at 20 year lows. A new direction from there means, what?

Federal tax revenues are at all-time highs. A new direction from there means, what?

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The more I learn about Ted Nugent… the more I dearly love the guy. He doesn’t pull any punches. I just stumbled across this interview with a british journalist, while searching for hunting quotes.

Ted Nugent, a heavy metal guitar legend and devoted (bow) hunter, was being interviewed by a French journalist. Eventually, the conversation turned to his love of outdoor pursuits. The journalist asked, “What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, “Are you my friend?” or maybe “Are you the one who killed my brother?”

Nugent replied, “They aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, What am I going to eat next? Who am I going to screw next? and, Can I run fast enough to get away? They are very much like the French in that.”

Source: Snopes

Thank God for them West Virgina Hillbilly’s. And it goes without saying… don’t you ever pull some of this crap.

I found this floating around the net. And it is so true.

Friendly fire - isn’t.
Recoilless rifles - aren’t.
Suppressive fires - won’t.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.

The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they’re ready. & when you’re not.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain’t neutral.

If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

Air defense motto: shoot ‘em down; sort ‘em out on the ground.’Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go.

The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren’t.

It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

You’ll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flexmount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles who know your position.

Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball games?

How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?

Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?

Know why short RTOs have long whips on their radios? So someone can find them when they step in deep water.

The enemy “Alway’s” times his attack, to the second you drop your pant’s in the Latrine!!

The ammo you need “NOW”!! is on the “Next” airdrop!!

My friend Angela sent me this. I laughed out loud on a couple. A few of em are stupid. Anyways, they’re fun.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

This made me laugh. I’m supposed to feel really bad.

And for a much more interesting read, visit Bryans Page.

I have no idea why I posted this. I just felt the urge and I did.

This is too good. Language warning.

December 9, 2005 (CNN)

While interviewing an anonymous US Marine soldier on his sniper skills, a
Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when shooting members of
Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and replied, “Recoil.”

Reader Jennifer was kind enough to send this my way. It’s a book full of “Adult Beverages”, how to make them, where they came from, and the PC or Un-PC symbolism behind it. I had a good laugh… then I went enjoyed a beer, cos I don’t drink that hard stuff. Anyways, Thanks Jen.

Dead White Guy Ginger Ale

Glass: A Clay Bowl Stolen from Native Americans (by dead white conquistadors)

Ingredients:

1. 1 Part Vodka (a colorless ingredient symbolizing white European oppression)
2. 3 Parts Ginger Ale (containing blood-thirsty, intolerant, white supremacist sugar)
3. A Splash of White Wine (reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism)
4. A Splash of Lemon-Lime Juice (made from fruit hand-picked by indentured servants)
5. A Dash of Sugar (due to safety concerns, no brown sugar allowed)

Instructions: While attending a college seminar on multiculturalism, with an emphasis on Native American, Afro-centric lesbian poetry, combine ingredients in a clay bowl stolen from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day while attacking white males who have the audacity to continue to breathe.

Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of Christopher Columbus - a capitalist, European bigot responsible for the death and murder of eighty trillion pacifist, nature-loving Native Americans (and a man whose lone accomplishment was the “discovery” of someone else’s backyard).

Special Warning: Under no circumstances should you add brown sugar to this adult beverage, as it is sure to be ravaged and destroyed by the racist, imperialist, homophobic white sugar already present in the ginger ale.
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Twas the night before Christmas and all through San Quentin, the crips were protesting, and liberals were ventin’.

The cyanide hung by the chamber with care, in hopes that the reaper soon would be there.

The inmates were nestled all snug in their bed ; except for Old Tookie, who soon would be dead.

And me with my beer mug, dressed warm in my flannell, had curled up to watch it, on the Fox News Channel.

I set up my TIVO to record the news station, and thoroughly loved the momentous occasion.

It seemed lady justice had gotten her way, and that there would be one less savage today.

When outside the jail there arose such a clatter, the cameras had turned to see what was the matter.

When what to my civilized eyes did appear, but a lineup of actors, all liberal, half queer.

The misguided freaks drew some curious looks, as they proclaimed his innocence; clutching his books.

The tears then flew out from Sarandon’s eyes, as she nominated him again for the Nobel Peace Prize.

The actors were tethered to an ACLU sleigh, all towing the line of the urban decay.

On Asner, on Penn, on liberal cop-haters, On Sharpton, on Jesse and other race-baiters.

Then at 3:01 all curled up like a beetle, Tookie cried like a bitch as they gave him the needle.

When up from the actors there arose such a cry, they had failed in their mission, and Tookie DID DIE !!

I heard Bill O’Reilly say, as I turned out my light,

Merry Christmas to all … there was justice tonight !!

Hattip: BigD